My Favorite Resident

This has been the hardest part of my job thus far. Thank goodness I have the knowledge of the gospel and know that Andy is truly in a better place, but I miss him. Mr Jacobs from day one became my favorite resident...i have a lot of favorites but he was number one. The only man who didn't act sexual towards me that I have worked with. To me that says a great deal about a mans character when he has lost his mind and is still able to treat a lady with respect. Andy was always so grateful for my help and apologized frequently for needing so much help. Even till the end he still would help as much as he could, try to bare his own weight, would brush his teeth. Would never complain. What a great gentle man he was. If I don't stick around much longer at Arbor Oaks at least I will have been grateful to have meet him. He was the only resident that I have felt comfortable to share a little bit of the gospel with. I told him that he would see his wife again and went into a little more details of how and why. I reminded him that he would soon be with her and he would smile (even in his eyes) hold my hand and thank me for caring and telling him such things. I love you Andy Jacobs! May you finally have joy in your heart to know that you were a good man to the end. Enjoy your time with Margrette! I will see you soon enough I'm sure.

I hope to go to his funeral, but it may have already happened. :( pics hopefully to come.

Sugar Cookies!

A fairly new dear friend of mine Stephanie Bailey invited Jake and I to come make sugar cookies at her house.  It was supposed to be kind of a double date thing, but her new man couldn't make it. So it was just Steph, Jake, and I. She was on the phone most of the time talking to her boy so Jake and I did most of the cooking. It was so fun. It's not the first time we have cooked together. Let me tell you, I could get used to this. :D

3rd St. Adventures

Finally after being in Oregon for over 8 months I went window shopping down the famous downtown 3rd st. in McMinnville. Bob had been telling me about it, and I've had several friends tell me how much fun it is. Well I finally had a good reason to go. Jake was kind enough to give me the grand tour. There are some adorable little shops all up and down the strip, but super expensive items that I would never buy. It was still super fun. The little red barn you see was in a quaint little book store. It kind of reminded me a little of the 'shop around the corner' (or something like that) in the movie 'you've got mail'. Amazingly enough Jake and I could both fit inside that little thing. Ha Ha!! The best part was some lady saw us and asked us if we realized that it was supposed to be for little children. Ha! Ha! We were reading a book. Sheesh lady! Way to make me blush over nothing! I loved 3rd st. Another fabulous date with Jake Seward. :)

Three Little Words - 143

 I don't know why in the past it has been so difficult for me to say 'I love you'. I remember even with Daniel it being very difficult and times. I felt as if I had to force an anxiety attack down just to say those little words. Even though I did love him. Thankfully for me feeling love for someone is not difficult at ALL. It is a gift I believe, but admitting that out loud to someone is another story all together. Many a time after someone tells me that they love me I would quickly reply with a forced "Ditto!" feeling like it was an inadequate response yet unable to let myself say the actual words. Maybe it's because like so many other things in this world that phrase is used too lightly. I'm not sure exactly where the hesitation comes from, but it is still there whole heartily, whether I like it or not... I've worked on it in the past and work on it everyday. Especially with my residence knowing that for them it really maybe the last time that I have a chance to say those words to them in this life. Yet even as I write about these words of feel the tension rise in my chest.

Has my fear of using these words lessened any?? Maybe, at least for one person. Amazingly enough in just a short while I have fallen in love. I know, crazy right! It's true though, I no longer feel the need to eat or sleep I'd much rather be talking to, being with this person and feel a great amount of sustaining power in doing so. I knew that Jake was ready and itching to say the 'L' word before he actually said the words. I could see it in his eyes and he mentioned something about some rule about it being too early to express those kinds of feelings. I was grateful for the heads up before he actually sweetly expressed those words to me. I wasn't prepared for the impact they would have on me. For once I didn't feel the obligation in trying to say something that I wasn't ready to admit to myself or anyone else for that matter, or maybe not feeling that way yet at all. It was spoken in a quiet moment were no kiss was present before or after. It was then that as I heard the words and had the time to ask him questions about his feelings for me that I actually felt good for the first time in my life that I remember telling someone that I loved them. I felt no pressure, no anxiety. I knew it was the truth, that it wasn't forced and that he would still love me even if I wasn't ready to admit that I loved him.

An honest confession of love. What a precious and beautiful moment. One I hope I never forget. No matter what happens in the future with Jake and I. It was incredible...perfect!

FHE Fun!!

After FHE. Stephanie Bailey Tippets and I

Window Shopping

Cartwheels

Mirror pic in girls bathroom

Human Pyramid

So for FHE one night we did a picture scavanger hunt. It was a blast. These are only a handful of the pictures we had to get for the evening. There was about 20 pictures in all and we had about an hour to get them all. There were two teams and I have to say that our team totally rocked. We all were a bit competitive while the other team seems more frustrated by the work needed to be done. We were actually able to get all our pics completed and back at the church with about 25 minutes to spare. Score!! This was by far the most entertaining FHE I have had here in Oregon.

feeling good-Michael Buble

Happy Birthday Caden!

Caden's first day of school 2010

Today is lucky number 7 for you. At times it feels like it has been forever since I have scene your beautiful smile and heard your laugh and other times it seems like just yesterday I was crying in your arms saying my last goodbyes and you telling me to stop whining. Today it feels like forever. It's been four years now that I haven't been able to celebrate the day of your birth with you, and sadly I don't remember your first three birthdays I did have with you. However because of your daddy's help I have been able to remember bits and pieces of the day we first said hello. I remember feeling exhausted yet giddy. Your daddy was the first to change you. Haha! You peed all over your dad and the wall. I remember waking up to feed you every night. Sitting in the big green rocker in your bedroom trying to stay awake. We have pictures of your first bath which I cherish.  Great-Grandpa Priest and Uncle Bobby came from Arizona to see you get your baby blessing. Your first Christmas and your first real trip to anywhere besides church we went up to Idaho to be with Grandma and Grandpa Priest. I remember going to the Dr.'s and you getting your shots. I cried more than you did, you were a trooper.

I am sure today is similar to the day you received your shots or the day I said goodbye. You are happy and enjoying the attention given by many who love you dearly. I am so grateful to be able to imagine your excitement of the day. My tears are similar to those days I spoke of earlier. I wish I could watch your enjoyment and feel your little arms around me again. I wish I got to see your face as you opened your gifts. I wish for so many things on this day. I love you my little trooper and though you can't see me gathered around you as you blow out your candles today my thoughts and heart are with you. I pray that your dreams and wishes may come true. I love you! Happy Birthday son!!

Real First Day at the Job

So... a quick explanation of what has happened. I believe I posted earlier that I got a job as a care giver a.k.a. residency assistant at Arbor Oaks. I was to start I don't know back in September some time. Well I went in that first day to get my paperwork done and do some much needed training. I began doing my paper work after I had given the receptionist my drivers license and social. She soon came back in after making copies informing me that since I was such a new resident in Oregon that I would need to get my fingerprints done. Explaining how I was to do this and that it shouldn't take too long of a process. Well....sigh, it wasn't supposed to take that long of a process but because Arbor Oaks had just changed management after I had given them my fingerprints they were not even mailed out until the middle of October. Yah, I wasn't to thrilled when I learned of this and by that point was looking for another job. Finally last week on Friday I was called and informed that my prints had finally gone through and was asked to come in the following Tuesday to finish filling out my paper work.

That was yesterday, I was excited to finally be working. That excitement vanished quickly as I watched a few documentaries about people who suffered from a memory illness such as dementia and Alzheimers. I learned what the symptoms where and how their families had to try to deal and cope with the changes in the parents, grandparents, siblings, etc. behaviors. It reminded me a great deal of grandpa and grandma Buck, but mostly all that time that I spent one on one with grandma Roberts. I cried through much of the 3 hour documentary and felt sick when I finally left work. I cried through out most of the rest the day and went to bed bailing. I have lost a lot to those in my life who suffered from these diseases, but to tell the truth a lot of the tears had to do with how much I have lost in my life because of the memories that I have lost.

It is almost like I have amnesia but am slowly getting back bits and pieces of my life. I don't remember my wedding day, or the birth of my children, friends, family, etc, etc. I do remember bits and pieces of Caden but almost nothing of Hyrum. I am ashamed and it is so embarrassing for people to ask me questions about my past. I feel stupid but mostly I feel a deep loss. I still struggle with my short term memory loss and that was not supposed to be the cause. I was to last no longer than a year and all my long term memories should have been back by now as well. Frustrating and heart wrenching. I did not think that this job would be so difficult for me. I thought me having had a little experience with memory loss I would sympathize and be able to maybe offer additional comfort that maybe those who had not struggled with it could. Now I have little hope of that at all.

Today was my first real day at the job. One on one with the patients in the facility. I was right about one thing, because I know what its like to be in their shoes to some extent at least it was easy for me to love these people immediately. It broke my heart to watch them struggle for words, to see food in front of them be hungry but not know what a fork was used for. Today was just as emotionally draining as watching those 3 hours of documentaries, though even more so because I was watching 10 people for 8 hours going through the exact same thing. I don't know if I will be able to do this job. I'm not willing to give up yet. I'm hoping with time that it will become a little easier, but it's only a sliver of hope.

I cant believe it.

Caden(7 in 8 days) Lindsey (6m prego) Hyrum (5)

Ha! Ha! I love this picture of my boys! Boys will be boys, am I right! Caden and Hyrum are having a silly face contest with Adam, Mom, and Dad through Skype. This was taken while talking to them. Adam was nice enough to teach Hyrum this new funny face and grandpa(dad) was able to capture the moment. AWESOME!! Right after this was taken I was able to talk to Adam, Mom, and Dad. Adam was kind enough to send me this picture. So I actually in a very round about way got to see my boys this past Sunday the day before Halloween. :D I'm thrilled!!

Silver Creek Falls

For one of my unofficial activites we went on a hike to Silver Creek Falls, Oregon. It was way fun but quite a long drive. I forgot my camera and so the few pictures that I do have is from a friend named Spencer. Though he didn't have pictures of the otheres there it there was Jared, Spencer of course, Will, Michelle, and I.

Michelle Gamez and I. (love this girl)



There were little cave holes all through out the hike.

Tender Mercy

Saturday I got a call from a dear friend of mine, Miss Stacee Jo. Not that it's uncommon for us to call one another just to have a good 'girl chat' but this call was special. Stacee Jo got a chance to see my boys up close. Stacee happened upon my family namely my parents, all the nieces and nephews, my boys, Lindsey, Crystal, Caroline, and I think that's everyone. Now she didn't have the guts to go up to Caden and Hyrum and drill them with a million questions like I would have loved for her to do, but she saw them and they were happy. She even informed me that she thought Caden looked like me.

Now My family as I had learned was going to the gateway mall in SLC, which has become quite the tradition for the nieces and nephews to do now. I thought nothing of it though had the typical heart strings pulled at the thought of wishing I could be a part of the fun. I knew most likely that I would hear little of the activity which happens with most things that my sweet boys are included in, but yesterday while skypeing my parents I asked them about seeing Stacee at the gateway. In conclusion to the little shin-dig Dad was kind enough to send me a pic of all the grand kids taken the day that Stacee saw my little ones.

Left - Right Carly (8) holding Lucas (6m) Caden (turning 7) Lincoln (5) Eden (6) Aspen (turning 3) Hyrum (5) Ty (4)

Now in reality after seeing my boys Caden looks more like his daddy than me by far and Hyrum is the one that looks more like me. I love it though. What a blessing!!

Lot O' Shakespeare

So tonight with my new roommate who I am getting along famously with Sharon Hagel invited me to go to the Linfield College theater to watch Lot O' Shakespeare. It was free and I figured why not try it out. I don't remember liking or disliking plays in the past. Anyways this ended up being a one man show. How can Shakespeare possibly be done by one man you say, well I'll tell you. Timothy Mooney was the gentleman name and he played different acts from several different plays written by Shakespeare. He had memorized over 70 different sections of the play and then would act them out at random. Literally it was random he used bingo balls to find out which story he then would act out, while we in the crowd hope that he would call out the correct letter and number so that we could win a prize playing instead of 'bingo' 'iago'. I'm guessing Iago is a character in one of these plays but as I mentioned before I went in there with nothing.

It really was so fascinating. He really did a fabulous job and because the crowd was limited in size it was intriguing to watch his facial expressions. Sharon and I hooked up with second row seats so it was pretty intense. I really was very impressed and enjoyed myself almost the entire time. :) Would I go again!? Absolutely and possibly might even pay if I needed to next time.

Long Sabbath Day!!

 So I'm walking out of my relief society meeting proud of the accomplishments that the presidency made but to be honest a little frustrated by the lack of willingness that both the sisters had in wanting to go visit the sisters. After I told them both multiple times about the meeting and it being lengthy. Urg! Well it ended up being an hour long anyways and I admit that I felt better in visiting the girls with Michelle this week. Hoping since she knew some of the girls I was planning to visit that it would make the visit go more smoothly. I left the meeting drained and so ready to go home and get into my pj's and drink some hot herbal tea. As I was about to turn the corner of the hallway there stood Sister Haslam informing me that I was wanted in the Branch Presidents office. I happily concord thinking that I could turn in my receipts and ask my questions concerning some relief society questions that I had concerning the rolls.

Much to my surprise President Haslam was not asking me about getting me my refunds or even the visiting teaching list (though we did go over that after the fact), no President Haslam has asked me to be the new relief society president. Literally my breath was taken away for a moment. President Haslam kind of got a kick out of it and said that I honestly couldn't be that surprised. Honestly I wasn't, but I didn't except to be called I just thought I was going to act like the relief society president. I really was contemplating at the time whether or not to move farther north so as to be in a larger area where there would be more single LDS males that maybe courted. Ha!Ha!

Well all that has changed now. I have been struggling since Sunday to come up with those whom the Lord and I would like to have in my presidency. The first name came incredibly easy, in fact almost the moment that I caught my breath the name of my first counselor was reviled to me. Though I have not had such luck with the other two names. I struggled greatly because President Haslam suggested that I keep what I had in the presidency already and just add one more. Well that would have been easy enough except for the fact that I have a great desire to be an exceptional presidency to befriend and bring those sister back into the branch that may be struggling spiritually.

To be very frank I do not believe that the two sister who are in the presidency now will be able to fulfill in a way that I need. Right now I feel like I am doing everything on my own. I know that with my crazy schedule and trying to stay healthy and strong I would need a good support. I still am not sure on the names, but I feel pretty good about the two other girls that I have now chosen and will go to the Lord tonight to see if I have chosen wisely. Let us pray that this is so because it is technically already Saturday and President Haslam wanted to sustain us in church this Sunday. Ahh!!

Good News!!

This is my new place of residence... if you truly believe me then you are a sucker! No, this is my new place of employment. Wahoo! I am starting tomorrow. It's orientation and am very excited and nervous. I will be working with patience who are suffering from dementia and Alzheimer (sp?).

My interview was this past Saturday. It is so fabulous to have at the end of the interview the question so when can you start? Does Tuesday work for you. I'd like you to come in then for orientation. There was no waiting time to see if I got the job or not. Let me tell you it saves a lot of torment time for me. Usually when I get out of an interview I go over in my head what was said, asked and how I responded. Trying to learn from the situation so that hopefully next time I will be able to improve my interviewing skills. phewph!! I am so grateful to have this job. I don't know for sure if I will be working on Sunday's or not, but I did put that on my application so I hope that Sunday's will continue to be free so that I can do my calling.

I will keep you posted on how my first week as a care giver goes. It is a better paying job (not by much) than the Allison. So it's definitely started out to be a very positive thing. :)

On a side note. My relief society calling is kind of wishy washy. I can't think of a better word at the moment sorry. Anyways last week the relief society president Missy Spencer is moving to Utah. We have just barely been in about a month. So now, since the Branch isn't ready as they called it to call a new presidency I get to play relief society president since I was/am the first councilor. Its crazy, I feel very lost and overwhelmed by the responsibility at hand. Hopefully I will get some time to study my new responsibilities this week, so that I can do a fair job when the time comes to go to the meetings and conduct relief society. Yeah! I'm honored for the responsibilities and pray that I may be strong enough to endure the challenges that I may be faced with.

Short Lived!

So the Allison was very short lived. Yup! Today was my last day. Well actually it was more like Tuesday. I arrived at work today and was there for a good 30 minutes waiting for my supervisor to have two seconds to tell me that they didn't need me anymore. I cried all the way home. So frustrated! Why did I even take that stupid job when I knew I would have to work on Sundays. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

On a plus note, I did end up working at least 6 hours at another place here in MAC. Yeah! So I still made some money today which is good. I also had time to apply for a couple more jobs today. I am also crossing my fingers that I will be able to run in the 5k tomorrow that I had been training for to dedicate to the boys. I don't know if they will let me because I didn't send my check to run and I'm not sure they will let me pay the day off, but I'm sure going to try. Now I gotta find were I packed my shirt. I really hope its not at Bob's cuz I don't want to talk to him right now.

Another fabulous plus. I get to go to church on Sunday! Wahoo!!!

The Allison Resort

                                                                                       









Well this is the beautiful resort that I am now employed at. It really is a gorgeous place. It's insanely busy right now, it being a holiday weekend and all. Though they till me it will be this busy until October. Craziness is what I call it. Today I saw a couple that was from Paris. Fancy Smancy!
The cheapest stay is about $450/night. It's incredible to me for someone to have that kind of money. Seriously the people that are staying all weekend if they got the cheapest deal is still spending $1800 just on a place to stay, a little spa treatment and some fabulous food.

My experience is much different for obvious reasons than those that stay with us. In fact just finished my second day of work and I have blisters and sores on my feet, a backache, and a monster headache. I am currently icing my knee as I am typing. It makes me sound old. In fact I told my friend Carlos that I feel old. Everyone at work has informed me that it will get better after the first week of working there. Even your feet will stop aching, they say. Most of the people that I work closely with are latinos. I guess it's a good time to learn spanish. I have learned that I hate it because they start talking spanish when they don't want me to know what they are talking about. I think it is incredibly rude. Now I know what it is like for the Deaf people who have friends who speak both spoken and sign, and chose to speak and then maybe paraphrase in sign to them. Frustrating! I feel much like an idiot most of the time. Very unimportant! Kind of like I'm a fly on the wall and they are trying to swat at me to get away.

It is hard work and though I don't mind working hard...it helps the day go a little faster. I feel incredibly lonely at work. I am not looking forward to working tomorrow (Sunday) it will be my first time ever working on Sunday in my life. I wish so badly that I could change my schedule around. I might stay longer if I could. Anyways I'm trying to look at it as a stepping stone to a more fulfilling job that wont make me work on the sabbath day. Urg!! This is killing me. I don't know how long I'll be able to do this without having my Sunday's to take the sacrament. It's depressing!!! I guess I need to pray harder for a new job to come up.

                                                                                   

It's a Proud Moment!



1st Oregon Garden Tomato!



 

 

In memory of Janny Buck. :)


Yummy! Yummy!

Swimming at the Hinmen's!!

 Behind me is Michelle, Shawn, Brandon, and Greyhen

 Michelle, another Michelle, Greyhen(standing), Justin, Ty(standing), and Brandon.

Shawn and Seth.

Beach Day!

 The women. me, behind me is Kris Nuttal (one of the bishopric wives) Ashton, Michelle, and Betsy Jo aka: BJ. This is just after we had some fabulous bbq'd ribs. Mmmm! This was after my run so you can see that I am icing my right knee. :(


Picture below from left to right. Justin, Michelle, Jared (holding the camera), and me.

This last picture I told the guys to show us their manly selves. This is the best pic I got. Again from left to right. Justin, Greyhen, Jared, and Ty.

Amazing!!

I got a calling issued to me yesterday. I was asked to be the first counselor in the new relief society presidency. Can you believe it?! The woman who is the relief society president has just moved here about 3 weeks ago and didn't know anyone. What an amazing honor that she chose me out of all the young ladies in my branch. If that wasn't a big enough compliment the fact the the President and more importantly the Lord sees me as worthy and capable to be able to serve the woman in such an amazing capacity. Tears come to my eyes every time that I think of it. What an electrifying blessing to know that the Lord sees me fit to be an example to the sisters in my branch. I feel overwhelmed with gratitude and so humbled by the position that I am now playing in the branch. Thank you Heavenly Father for having confidence in me! I pray for strength and for the spirit to be close by so that I maybe able to help these woman find themselves in thee before making the huge decisions that we face in a singles branch. Thank You!!

Baptisms for the Dead!

Hannah Haupt and I

Last night I got to go with my branch to do baptisms for the dead for the first time since I was in young women's, and I actually didn't remember doing so before. It was incredibly. The spirit was so strong! I loved it and can't wait tell I get another chance to go. :)
In this picture I am wearing Grandma Bucks dress and jewelry. Lately I have been really missing my 'gma b' who passed away in May. I love you grandma!

My First Stilettos

Aren't my new shoes sooooo cute! Yeah that is what I thought until I wore them for the first time. I did end up tracking all evening after wearing them to church. My poor baby toe is bruised under the bed of my nail. Awful! I wish hadn't worn these shoes all day, now I'm afraid to wear them again. Yet they are so stinking cute!I even went up to bear my testimony and for like the first time ever they didn't have to lower the pulpit. Ohh the pain we woman go through to look good!