My Favorite Resident

This has been the hardest part of my job thus far. Thank goodness I have the knowledge of the gospel and know that Andy is truly in a better place, but I miss him. Mr Jacobs from day one became my favorite resident...i have a lot of favorites but he was number one. The only man who didn't act sexual towards me that I have worked with. To me that says a great deal about a mans character when he has lost his mind and is still able to treat a lady with respect. Andy was always so grateful for my help and apologized frequently for needing so much help. Even till the end he still would help as much as he could, try to bare his own weight, would brush his teeth. Would never complain. What a great gentle man he was. If I don't stick around much longer at Arbor Oaks at least I will have been grateful to have meet him. He was the only resident that I have felt comfortable to share a little bit of the gospel with. I told him that he would see his wife again and went into a little more details of how and why. I reminded him that he would soon be with her and he would smile (even in his eyes) hold my hand and thank me for caring and telling him such things. I love you Andy Jacobs! May you finally have joy in your heart to know that you were a good man to the end. Enjoy your time with Margrette! I will see you soon enough I'm sure.

I hope to go to his funeral, but it may have already happened. :( pics hopefully to come.

Sugar Cookies!

A fairly new dear friend of mine Stephanie Bailey invited Jake and I to come make sugar cookies at her house.  It was supposed to be kind of a double date thing, but her new man couldn't make it. So it was just Steph, Jake, and I. She was on the phone most of the time talking to her boy so Jake and I did most of the cooking. It was so fun. It's not the first time we have cooked together. Let me tell you, I could get used to this. :D

3rd St. Adventures

Finally after being in Oregon for over 8 months I went window shopping down the famous downtown 3rd st. in McMinnville. Bob had been telling me about it, and I've had several friends tell me how much fun it is. Well I finally had a good reason to go. Jake was kind enough to give me the grand tour. There are some adorable little shops all up and down the strip, but super expensive items that I would never buy. It was still super fun. The little red barn you see was in a quaint little book store. It kind of reminded me a little of the 'shop around the corner' (or something like that) in the movie 'you've got mail'. Amazingly enough Jake and I could both fit inside that little thing. Ha Ha!! The best part was some lady saw us and asked us if we realized that it was supposed to be for little children. Ha! Ha! We were reading a book. Sheesh lady! Way to make me blush over nothing! I loved 3rd st. Another fabulous date with Jake Seward. :)

Three Little Words - 143

 I don't know why in the past it has been so difficult for me to say 'I love you'. I remember even with Daniel it being very difficult and times. I felt as if I had to force an anxiety attack down just to say those little words. Even though I did love him. Thankfully for me feeling love for someone is not difficult at ALL. It is a gift I believe, but admitting that out loud to someone is another story all together. Many a time after someone tells me that they love me I would quickly reply with a forced "Ditto!" feeling like it was an inadequate response yet unable to let myself say the actual words. Maybe it's because like so many other things in this world that phrase is used too lightly. I'm not sure exactly where the hesitation comes from, but it is still there whole heartily, whether I like it or not... I've worked on it in the past and work on it everyday. Especially with my residence knowing that for them it really maybe the last time that I have a chance to say those words to them in this life. Yet even as I write about these words of feel the tension rise in my chest.

Has my fear of using these words lessened any?? Maybe, at least for one person. Amazingly enough in just a short while I have fallen in love. I know, crazy right! It's true though, I no longer feel the need to eat or sleep I'd much rather be talking to, being with this person and feel a great amount of sustaining power in doing so. I knew that Jake was ready and itching to say the 'L' word before he actually said the words. I could see it in his eyes and he mentioned something about some rule about it being too early to express those kinds of feelings. I was grateful for the heads up before he actually sweetly expressed those words to me. I wasn't prepared for the impact they would have on me. For once I didn't feel the obligation in trying to say something that I wasn't ready to admit to myself or anyone else for that matter, or maybe not feeling that way yet at all. It was spoken in a quiet moment were no kiss was present before or after. It was then that as I heard the words and had the time to ask him questions about his feelings for me that I actually felt good for the first time in my life that I remember telling someone that I loved them. I felt no pressure, no anxiety. I knew it was the truth, that it wasn't forced and that he would still love me even if I wasn't ready to admit that I loved him.

An honest confession of love. What a precious and beautiful moment. One I hope I never forget. No matter what happens in the future with Jake and I. It was incredible...perfect!